The What

I often make these quick marker notes on bits of scrap papers hanging around while I am working on something else. Perhaps the thing I am working on is really only a way for me to get to these notes. They are a form of leaving a path of crumbs so I know what I was thinking or feeling or understanding in a glimmer of a moment. It feels like an insight I need to hear for the present and a future me. This one is about "The What", the WHAT I am creating, the WHAT I want to create, the WHAT i feel swirl around my heart and brain trying to shape it's way into existence. I have often beat myself up, not literally, but energetically, in that I feel I don't have a defined one thing, one WHAT. My WHAT shifts and changes. It has been a re-occcuring sense of frustration that I am learning to embrace and accept and celebrate. My WHAT takes many forms. Some days it is clear My WHAT declares it's shape early, some days it feels like my WHAT is stomping through some thick knee high sludge with duck tape over it's mouth. Some days my WHAT has multiple arms gifting multiple gifts. Some days it is one, something simple like noticing the way the birds this morning took to the sky together like they had a glorious plan to surprise a tree. Some days, I have to re-discover my WHAT, sit it down on a chair, give it hands some markers and an hour or two to play with what it wants.
There is more in this WHAT attempt, more to clarify, and share, and define as I go but today this is the WHAT i got.