Blocks

Confused? Blocked? Not sure what in the world you are actually doing? Uh yeah yeah and yeah.
Lately, I've been feeling ultra confused as to my creative path. I think there is an attempt to pretend I know what I'm doing mostly to convince myself. For when I let that "What the heck am I doing?" mind surface my making mind catches on and STOPS.... yes haults in it's glorious I'm not thinking but continuing in my intuitive let's see where this goes unattached way. I think this practical mind, wanting to pin my path down has actually hurt my flow. I have been pulled lately in wanting to decide where I want to focus my creative energy. I don't have one medium, one creative form that I can say this is what I make. Rather I love  bouncing between mediums, exploring forms. So what is the pull between? For a long long time I've wanted to write and illustrate picture books. I've spent many hours making mock ups, attending conferences, writing drawing sending out manuscripts, It has been an ongoing side dream. Recently I've thought about giving up this side dream to focus on other side dreams of my creative practice such as 3d paper sculptures and collages. I've asked myself what would it be like to put all those boxes of possible books away and say goodbye to that dream ( atleast for now). I suppose it is a giving up, but maybe it would also be a giving in. Going where there seems to be an opening in my life as opposed to banging on blocks. Certain doors aren't opening right now but others are. Doors that I couldn't have imagined.  I'm still not sure where this creative path is going but that's the point. To discover as I go. And if that means letting something go for awhile then I will. The most important thing for me is to continue, this, creating in some way and putting it out into the world. Sometimes a STOP is really a PAUSE, now its time to press PLAY again.