what are you after?

When I was in art school many years ago, a painter professor came into my studio, looked at my pile of drawings and asked, "What are you after?"
Quickly I said "I'm after not being after." He thought that was a good response and told me to write it down. I noted it in my brain. I've thought about that conversation often and over the years it has  found its way into bits of writings or scribblings or notes to self like this one I found today.
I suppose that the initial response "I'm after not being after." is partially true sometimes.  But there is more I surely seek through continuing the art practice. Much more. And sometimes I know what that is and sometimes mostly I am bouncin' swirlin' not quite driftin' in the wind working to clarify, discover, forget, then remember and forget again what it is I AM indeed after. The most common element I seek through the creative process is the barely one second surprise when I feel something else has joined the reins to the making and I'm connected to an energy that knows more then me. It is a dance. Truly. And that moment when I feel it is enough to say yes thank you, and yet it fuels me to want more. That more changes each day and sometimes is clear strong and guiding and sometimes is murky with thought confusion or doubt.  Still I continue with whatever my hands are into at the moment. You can't discover much by thought alone, the making, the full on here I am lets get messy is where the magic happens.

Dive into whatever it is you are playing with today. And be open to SURPRISE!