The What

I often make these quick marker notes on bits of scrap papers hanging around while I am working on something else. Perhaps the thing I am working on is really only a way for me to get to these notes. They are a form of leaving a path of crumbs so I know what I was thinking or feeling or understanding in a glimmer of a moment. It feels like an insight I need to hear for the present and a future me. This one is about "The What", the WHAT I am creating, the WHAT I want to create, the WHAT i feel swirl around my heart and brain trying to shape it's way into existence. I have often beat myself up, not literally, but energetically, in that I feel I don't have a defined one thing, one WHAT. My WHAT shifts and changes. It has been a re-occcuring sense of frustration that I am learning to embrace and accept and celebrate. My WHAT takes many forms. Some days it is clear My WHAT declares it's shape early, some days it feels like my WHAT is stomping through some thick knee high sludge with duck tape over it's mouth. Some days my WHAT has multiple arms gifting multiple gifts. Some days it is one, something simple like noticing the way the birds this morning took to the sky together like they had a glorious plan to surprise a tree. Some days, I have to re-discover my WHAT, sit it down on a chair, give it hands some markers and an hour or two to play with what it wants.
There is more in this WHAT attempt, more to clarify, and share, and define as I go but today this is the WHAT i got.

children's book illustration

I haven't posted or shared much about my pursuit to create children's books. I'm not really sure why. It is something I have been working on for many many many years. Did I say many, well it has been. But it is also something that I work on for months and then put away and take out again and then put away. I think it is really hard to go at it alone, to maintain momentum without an outside commitment. To think that I could write and draw picture books without the assistance and support of others was stubborn and a bit foolish. Last year I joined a writing workshop and that was incredibly helpful to receive feedback. I also really enjoyed helping others develop their stories. Sharing the process with other like minded people is essential, this I am learning again and again. I don't have to wait for some golden day to share some end point, I can share the bits and bits along the way. That is all to say that I am very grateful to have signed with a children's book agent from Red Fox literary. I look forward to collaborating and receiving the support and guidance I need to get some picture books out into the world....xoxoxo

One Minute Ink

 

These are one minute ink drawings with a found object. Pick an object, some paper, and ink, then set timer and go. I did these in the Fall but am really feeling like the first one at the moment.

 A bit of a push and pull tug of war struggle with myself.

Aaaaah.